Lily Allen opened up about the challenges of dating after her marriage ended, calling the experience “bitterly disappointing.”
The “Smile” singer told Perfect magazine that dating at 40 has proven much harder than it was six years ago. She separated from Stranger Things actor David Harbour after four years of marriage.
“It’s bitterly disappointing. There’s an element of humiliation and shame around it. The world doesn’t portray women of my age as being desirable. And it just feels like climbing up a mountain.”
Allen acknowledged that a romantic relationship won’t solve all her problems. But she admitted it feels “like the easier option.”
The Split Timeline
A source confirmed to PEOPLE in February that Allen and Harbour had separated. The couple married in 2020.
Allen has two daughters from her previous marriage to Sam Cooper. Marnie is 12 and Ethel is 13.
By September, sources said Allen had begun dating again. Her new album West End Girl releases October 24.
Marriage Struggles
“Her marriage had been crumbling for a while, and it put her in a terrible mental state. It was very stressful and sad. Lily is a fighter though.”
Allen spent time in Europe over the summer. Sources described her as “casually dating and doing much better.”
The focus remains on her daughters as she works to feel like herself again.
Personal Reflections
Allen described the breakup as “really sad” in her Perfect interview.
“It’s hard for me to not have my person, you know? And I am quite a codependent person. And I find it difficult to lean on the people who are available to me when I’m missing the comfort and stability of what is not available to me.”
She expressed frustration with the ongoing personal work required after the split.
“And I know that what I have to do is be able to make myself happy and that is a source of extreme irritation for me… It means doing the f—ing work, and I feel like I’ve been doing the work for f—ing ages. I’m exhausted by it. And I thought it was done. I thought it was happily ever after, you know?”
Treatment and Recovery
Allen revealed on her podcast Miss Me? in February that she’d spent several weeks at a treatment center.
The decision centered on being her “strongest self” for her daughters.
“I felt like it was getting harder and harder for me to be able to show up for them in the way that they need me to. It was a really big decision to have to leave them for a few weeks to go and focus on myself, but ultimately it was for them. Yes, it’s for me, but it’s for them so that I can get us through this bit. I needed some help to be able to do that.”
